from the script of Monday’s “Best of” Lin’s Bin.
Michael of Huntley asked,
Lin, I need to settle for me a debate as old as pasteurization. Is chocolate milk better when it’s as thick and black as used motor oil, or with just a hint of the good stuff?
When I say chocolate, what do you think of?
Milk duds, Belgian truffles, Terry’s Toffees?
Frango Mints, Mars Bars, Almond Joy?
Do you think of Nestle’s Quik, Bosco, and Ovaltine?
Haagen Das Chocolate Chocolate Chip Ice Cream, the DQ Midnight Truffle Blizzard?
Do you think of Tootsie Rolls, Dove Bars, and Hershey’s Kisses?
Cocoa Puffs and Count Chocula?
German Chocolate Cake, Ghiradelli, and Margie’s Coco Loco Sundae?
Godiva, Cadbury and Blommer?
Blommer, the Chicago Chocolate company that fills the early morning air with that glorious whiff of cocoa.
Do you think about the time that Blommer was cited for polluting our city air with that sweet smell while Lake Michigan is saturated with raw sewage and heavy metals to universal indifference?
Chocolate. You think of so many things.
Selling World’s Finest Chocolate bars to raise money for the high school band so you’d finally get enough flutes.
Do you think about Reeses Peanut Butter Cups and Brownies?
Do you think about Alice B, Toklas?
Do you remember the real breakfast of champions? Little chocolate donuts.
Does your mind swirl with the cinematic images of Like Water for Chocolate or
Life is Sweet
Do you think about Willie Wonka?
Chocolate has corrupted the medical profession into producing study after study that details the health benefits of chocolate.
Raising serotonin levels, lowering blood pressure, anti-oxidants, and the darker the chocolate the better.
Of course, the cruelest joke is how chocolate can ward off heart attacks when consumed in small quantities. Small quantities? There’s no such thing. Show me a fondue fountain and save the moderation for discussions of tequila.
But all of this brings us to one of the bloodiest controversies of our time.
Is it possible for Chocolate milk to have too much chocolate?
One of my oldest friends (Oh he’s old) checks the percentage of cocoa mass before putting money down for a candy and snickers at the man who would suggest a drink was too chocolaty.
Can a drink be, in fact, too chocolaty? This question has philosophical antecedents in the study of aesthetics, religious mysticism, and the proper ordering of milkshakes.
When mixing milk and chocolate, are we to ignore Aristotles’ injunction to avoid extremes and seek, in all things, moderation.
Can we look beyond Nietzsche’s theory of beauty?
The influence of both Dionysus and Apollo in the artistic process. A truly beautiful glass of chocolate milk would be the philosophical intersection where the intoxication of the pan flute and the dance of the satyr is balanced by the music of the lyre and the soft steps of the wood nymph.
In more contemporary terms, we might compare the aesthetic tension of Apollonian and Dionysian to the contrasting temperaments of Lennon and McCartney.
And isn’t harmony what we want in our chocolate milk?
Remember what Forrest Gump should have said,
Life is like a box of chocolates; by the time you get to it, it’s all gone.
This is Linsbin on 93XRT.
(Hear Lin’s Bin Mondays and Fridays at 7:15am and 6:15pm. Have a question to be answered on the air? Go to 93XRT.com/linsbin)