Marilyn Monroe is an American icon to this day and was a total natural on the silver screen. (She was especially good in Misfits.) She looked best in flesh and blood and worst in whatever composite material her hideous statue in Pioneer Court was made of. Although many had hoped that a bolt of lightning would animate it and force a military confrontation high atop NBC Tower, it was disassembled earlier this week by work crews who can now tell an interesting story to their grandchildren. (The old coot’s going on about that enormous actress again, run!) And remember, Marilyn was the second giant piece of crap in the Court after the gargantuan American Gothic couple that preceded her. (Yea, that’s just the painting, let’s walk down the street to see the really cool “sculpture”!)  Isn’t the normal size Jack Brickhouse enough? Are there no zoning laws? Will there be more titans of kitsch to come? Here’s some suggestions:

1. The 50 foot woman. Twice as big as Marilyn and much more vengeful. Allison Hayes a worthy replacement although Daryl Hannah from the remake would be ok too.
2. The creature from the War of the Colossal Beast. The Colossal Man with some battle damage, perfect for the downtown tourist photo ops.
3. A giant grasshopper from The Beginning of the End. The Wrigley Building (which they swarmed in the movie) is right across the street! Peter Graves won’t save us this time.
4. Al Capone. The scar alone would be several feet long, actual scale.
5. Michael Jordan. There’s Hanes under those basketball shorts.

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