Our previous list of the Top 10 Love Songs That Always Work may not always work for you (but I promise they won’t do any major damage). These ten songs, on the other hand, are like inviting your boss to your house for an intimate Valentine’s Day Dinner for three: they’re not known for their aphrodisiac qualities.
#10. Air Supply – “Making Love Out of Nothing at All”
Play this song on V-Day and you’ll be making a bed out of two kitchen chairs and a folded up parka.
#9. America – “Muskrat Love”
I’m an America fan and even I know better. “Muskrat Suzie, Muskrat Sam.” Thirty years hence and I still don’t get it.
#8. Andy Willliams – “The Theme From Romeo and Juliet (Where Do I Begin)”
OK to play if your Valentine is your Mom.
#7. Anne Murray – “I Just Fall in Love Again”
However, it will not be with you.
#6. Bonnie Tyler – “Total Eclipse of the Heart”
As you can see, this song does not include “love” in the title. Don’t let that give you a false sense of security: it will dampen the mood like a snowball in your drawers.
#5 Climax Blues Band – “I Love You”
Are you familiar with these guys? They rocked. But not here.
#4 Bruce Springsteen – “Tunnel of Love”
From the same album that included “Brilliant Disguise,” this is a bad song briliantly disguised as something by Bruce Springsteen. To to this day, I’m convinced this is actually [lastfm link_type=”artist_info”]John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band[/lastfm].
#3. Chicago – “Will You Still Love Me?”
Not if you play this song, I won’t.
#2. Edison Lighthouse – “Love Grows Where My Rosemary Goes”
Unless your honey’s named Rosemary (or you’re still wearing platform shoes and Jordache jeans), this one absolutely will not work.
#1. Ian & Sylvia – “The Jealous Lover”
Someone dies here, I’m pretty sure, and that’s just the beginning of the problem. Sylvia’s tortured voice will kill any and all libido within a 50-mile radius.
So bad, it’s not even on YouTube.