Not Scary Monsters
October 31, 2011 12:23 PM
[photogallerylink id=104619 align=left]A movie monster can be big or small, human or non-human, alive or dead, even visible or invisible, but most of all, it must be scary. The following creature features failed in this crucial aspect:
- Reptilicus. A puppet could be frightening but not with visible strings and clumsy movements like the star of this rare nordic monster movie. A panicky moveable bridge master provides the creepiest moment.
- The Giant Claw. Another marionette monster that somehow escaped pre-production.
- The monster in “It Conquered the World”. It didn’t and even if it did, the enslaved would laugh. Immortalized by [lastfm link_type=”artist_info”]Frank Zappa[/lastfm] in the song “Cheepnis”. A better movie than the creature.
- Godzilla. Along with Mothra, Rodan, Gamera, et al. Actors in a suit are almost never scary. The best examples of this type of flick are relatively low monster count efforts like The Mysterians and Battle in Outer Space.
- Any monster that appears with Abbott and Costello. The comedic duo is like garlic on the vampire of terror.
- The “giant” rear projected real grasshoppers in the Beginning of the End. The joys of seeing Chicago overrun by bugs ruined by a scene that features tiny insects crawling on a picture of the Wrigley Building.
- Earth vs the Spider. Most of the earth sat out this battle despite the title and tarantulas are timid gentle creatures that avoid teenagers.